Story Time

How do you begin to recount a moment in time?

Is it the images, the sounds, the feelings you now associate with that story? Is it the visceral experience that is conjured upon reflecting, or when you come across a reminder? So many lifetimes pass us by in the meantime and yet so many memories are there ready to transport you back to that moment.

It happens to all of us too. We are reminded of an event long ago and the memories are filled with the feelings that were present at the time, whether they be pleasant or less so… and the feelings help remind us of the roundness of that experience. They offer us glimpses back into the past as well as brief reflections of who we are now. We all have these stories, these constellations of memories that have shaped our individual sense of self.  The healing comes from telling these stories and learning from them.

The experiences that we have shared since March 2020 have served to shape our collective selves. There is still so much healing to be done, so many stories to tell and remember, that it can be hard to know how to begin – or where.  So, start small and with people that support you. Give voice to your experiences so that the story resides not only in yourself but is offered up to others for the sake of learning – learning how you changed; learning how you persevered; learning how you got better at something or learned to stay away from other things; learning how to be more you.

If you share your story, you share yourself…and you may just find the healing you deserve.

The Best of Intentions

It’s something isn’t it?

To set an intention with the most hopeful outcome desired. To have goals for yourself or your life and strive for that ideal result. And yet, all too often we fall short, just missing that mark and then we are faced with a choice – do we celebrate the effort or chide the missed bar? It seems that so often, for so many, and at an increasing rate, the intentions we set, the goal markers we place, slide ever further from attainment, taunting us to doubt ourselves. To see ourselves as failures for not hitting the target.

Imagine what it would feel like to claim victory in these moments. To realize you weren’t going to reach your goal, and still ring the bell for how hard you worked to get as close as you did. To honor the courage and strength you mustered to move yourself a few paces along the path, even if the view didn’t change in as striking a way as you had initially hoped.

Close your eyes and allow yourself to be filled with the joyfulness and pride that could offer in such a vulnerable moment.

This is what belief in oneself feels like; what it means to have resilience and connection to inner strength. You can get there…you already have a secret cache of it hiding somewhere in your psyche. The challenge is excavating strategically enough to break through the vulnerable parts without breaking down.

When you set your intentions for this season, or consider your goals for this next chapter, be aspirational, be realistic, be courageous. Most of all though…know that you are victorious regardless of the outcome. All because you challenged yourself to grow, and took action to make that a reality, in whatever capacity you could.

A Change Is Gonna Come

Change…it is ever present and a constant in most of our lives. Yet, somehow we all have a visceral response to change in our environment. For some, change is seen as exciting and full of opportunity or hope. For others, change - no matter the kind - is seen as scary and full of uncertainty. The thing about change that makes it so full of feelings is that it forces us to confront the limits of our control on our world. That, in turn can be immensely challenging for some us, thrilling for others of us. The way in which we position ourselves in relation to control/power offers hints as to how we will navigate changes in our world.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to control your immediate environment. Indeed, having a measure of control - a measure of power over what happens in our life - helps us feel the world is a predictable place on which we can rely. This predictability is inherently soothing to our brains and thus ourselves. The more we can feel we have a say in what happens in our life, the more confident we feel about effecting positive outcomes in said life and ultimately, the more we believe we can rely on ourselves. The thing is, that this idea of control, of power, of self-reliance and being able to have a say in how our life goes…it is way more about mindset than anything else. It is our interpretation of the events in our life that leads us to feel we are directing or being directed, since we all know it isn’t easy to actually control the world around us...

Now, it is not as easy as just thinking differently…but it kind of is as simple as shifting your thought process. Moving away from seeing change as scary and full of danger. Rather, trying each time to approach change with openness; giving yourself reminders of why this change will help you move closer to your ultimate goals - or maybe encouragement that it will help you continue on a path away from problematic patterns; beginning to believe that you will be able to manage the inevitable ripples that come with any shift in a life’s path. All of these adjustments to your mindset can allow for a different way to be in the face of change and open the doors to even more opportunity. Over time it becomes our new mindset and our mindset can become our worldview. This has a significant hand in how we interpret the moments we experience…ascribing joy, pain, hurt, excitement, or any other emotional valence to our life.

So, what do you say? Maybe the next change that rolls into your life will be the one that you will approach with greater acceptance. Now, that is a change to look forward to!

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

It’s here! The official kickoff to summer. After the hibernation of last year and the isolation of the winter, most of us are more than ready to shed our winter coats, reach for the door and head outside to meet up with friends, family, and neighbors.

What has allowed this reemergence from our burrows? Vaccines. Most people are getting theirs, yet still many others may be averse for a reason that is more common that you may realize. Needle aversion. A large number of people, up to 50% of children and up to 30% of adults, struggle with needle aversion, avoidance, or phobia. This does tend to improve with age, however that fact doesn’t diminish the impact it has on those who struggle with it.

With all the talk about vaccines, also came videos of folks being given their inoculation; taking vaccine selfies; clipart of syringes; the needle emoji suddenly was in its prime; and other public health initiatives to get the word out about the benefits of vaccines were using needles as their primary imagery. For those who struggle with needle aversion, this may have felt a bit overwhelming and for others their instinct may have been to further avoid - thus delay or not sign up to get the shot, even if they agree in every other way. Fear, anxiety - it is that powerful! And the fear of a needle can render a person completely irrational. So what to do if you or someone you love has needle aversion/phobia?

The first is to make a plan for how to calm your brain and body. Nothing good will come if your brain is in full danger mode, interpreting every movement as indication of impending doom. Breathe, count, label what colors you see, etc. Next is to identify how you want to manage the needle exposure process - meaning what is the plan for when you enter the office, sit in the chair/on the table, lift your sleeve, and so on. (If you are a parent with a child with needle aversion, you will also want to monitor your own stress about your child’s reaction.) Consider if you want a warning or not and if you do, when. Most people with needle aversion like some type of a warning - either a countdown or description - typically before the prep pad since the cold can be a bit startling. Having strategies for distraction during the process is incredibly important as well. Singing is a remarkably effective distractor and it is a natural stress reducer (it regulates your breathing which calms your brain, not to mention the joy you get from singing). I have had patients sing the song, Hit Me With Your Best Shot with gusto in an effort to take back the power they had cast onto the needle. The goal is to give your brain a different experience and fill it with that experience, rather than with fear for the handful of seconds that it takes for the entire process. Finally, you want to reward yourself for all that incredibly hard work! Is it a sweet treat or getting to listen to a new audio book or podcast in the car? A special coffee on the way home? Determine what feels right for you.

Remember, it is hard, but completely possible to extinguish a needle aversion/needle phobia, yet that doesn’t mean you will be excited to get stuck with a needle! After all, I don’t know anyone who enjoys needles. Having a realistic attitude toward the goal is just as important as the goal itself- managing the experience such that you can keep your body healthy and your community safe without being flooded by fear…and wear your bandaid proudly! You can do that. I know you can.

New Beginnings

Have you ever taken a leap of faith?

One you weren’t sure you were ready for?

It seems that we have all been doing exactly that over, and over, and over again, these last 13 months. Yet, now that things are opening up, and opportunities for togetherness are availing themselves to us all, it seems that many of us are finding the step to reconnect akin to a leap of faith that we aren’t exactly sure we are quite ready to take. This burgeoning apprehension - this reentry anxiety - is omnipresent, yet very few people are acknowledging it in their social circles. You may see silly memes, or hear jokes that sidle up next to the fear, and yet it doesn’t quite name it fully. There are things we know we can do though, to help ourselves navigate this new and somehow familiar turn in the ‘unchartered path’ we have been paving since last March.

First, we can remind ourselves that we have opened up in previous months and benefited from the reconnection with loved ones and cherished friends. Having close human connection gives our brains all the good stuff we have been craving and is such a solace to our aching souls. Next, we can stay true to the safety measures and protocols we have been abiding for over a year. Mask-wearing and handwashing has proven to be the most effective means to keeping yourself and your family safe - so let’s keep going strong on both fronts!

Then, we can proudly recall all of the other new and challenging things we have had to master in the span of a year! Virtual school, Zoom staff meetings, curbside delivery, birthday parades…so many changes to our regular routines that now feel like part of our normal lives. We made those changes and survived the transition to boot! Last, we can accept that this is a little (or a lot) nerve-wracking for a whole host of reasons that are unique to each of us. Some of us may be rusty at the socializing bit, while others may be working through real anxiety around close proximity to groups of people. Let’s also not forget the pent up grief and loss that still is to be processed and resolved…

We all have things that we find challenging, or scary, or just harder than expected. We also have a store of strength in ourselves that we can tap into and lean on to help guide us through these most difficult moments.

So, deep breaths everyone…it’s time for a new beginning.